Today I have a complaint. Before you stop reading though, let me explain this complaint I have. Our children go through different phases which allow them process things more deeply and complex then they were able to before. This makes them ask more difficult questions and many times it allows them to see heart issues when before they were just behavior things. These types of processes can be helpful to us as parents and also hard. They help us because many time when our kid's see their heart issues it fixes their behavior. They see that their behavior is wrong for a reason and they see the consequences of their actions. Most of the time they don't want to do that action again because they realize it hurts people or it hurts God. These are the milestones we want for our kids. These are the areas of growth we welcome and pray for. If they don't learn to understand the heart issue they will never fix the behavior. They might stop the behavior because they don't want the discipline but if their heart doesn't change then we really aren't doing our job as their parent. Our job as their parent is to guide their heart into the things of the Lord...not just their behavior. If their heart is not there their behavior will not stay.
So, my complaint with these times come from a conversation I had with my son. As many of you may know, my son is adopted. He came to us as a 6 month old baby who needed a forever mommy and daddy. My husband and I view him as a gift from God and one amazingly special boy that we get the honor of raising. We thank God regularly that He trusted us enough to raise this precious gift and He has allowed this little boy to change our lives in the most richly rewarding ways. No, it hasn't all been easy but it has all been rewarding and we have always seen God's hand in each of our lives. We are different people because of how God used a sweet, little baby to change our hearts and lives.
As my belly grows with the newest member of our family questions arise from our children. Did I grow like that in your tummy? Did I get that big in your tummy? How did I come our of your tummy? All these questions arise and my son had them as well. Of course with him, our answers are different than with our girls. We don't lie to our children. We tell them the truth in a way and to an extent that they are able to understand and safely process through. So, when my son made a statement beginning with, "Mom, when I was in your tummy..." I knew I had to say something. I wanted it to be the right something, the true something, and the best way I could and the most healthy way for him. I started off by saying, "You know son, if you would have grown in my tummy that statement would be true. But you didn't. You grew in someone else's tummy." And our conversation went from there. He was listening very intently. You could tell he was thinking and trying to understand what I was telling him. After I "broke the news" to him he said, "Oh!". I continued with, "But do you know what all that means? It means you are loved by even more people and you are a very special boy." To that he just sweetly says, "Yeah!"
This was a thought process I didn't want him to stumble upon yet. This moment, this mommy was not quite ready for. I didn't want him to burst this bubble yet. I didn't want him to be ready to process this kind of things until I knew beyond knew that he could understand and process it all in a very healthy way. But, one thing I have learned about children is that they don't ask unless they are ready to process and understand. So, I am just trusting the Lord that He will walk with Storm as this side of his story is revealed to him and that he will only feel loved and protected by us and by the Lord. As a mom you don't want to give information that could hurt them in anyway and I was very worried that this would hurt is heart is one way or another. That this information would make him feel different or less than. But, I trust my Lord to protect his little heart and I know that the truth can only set people free. I am counting on the freedom that my son will feel now to lead him to the Lord and to see how he was rescued from a potentially dangerous situation. I hope this new freedom will bring him closer to us. That he feels chosen and wanted and a very special boy.
Sometimes our kids will be ready to process when we aren't. Sometimes they will be ready for things that we feel they are not ready for. You must trust their hearts. You must trust that they won't ask unless they are ready. Now, as their parent, you have to have wisdom in how much they are ready to process when they ask. My son is not ready to process his ENTIRE story. He is ready for one piece at this moment. Ask the Lord for wisdom when your children ask. He will always give you the words to say and will guide you in how much to share and what to hold back for a later time. One day my son will be ready for his whole story...that time has not come yet but it will. When that time comes I will be asking the Lord for a LOT. hahaha.
Go. Trust the Lord to guide you as a parent and to protect your child's heart. Always tell the truth. It will set them free.
Blessings.
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