Sometimes I feel I have too high of expectations for my children. At ages 5 1/2, 3 & 2 they definitely act like children and have their crazy people moments. The delicate balance that a parent must have is determining which of those moments are allowed so they can just be children and which of those moments can be molded into something a bit more productive. Sometimes I catch myself being bothered by their childish behaviors and I want to correct and change it for MY own comfort.
My son is a brilliant example of this. I have the most incredible 3 year old boy who has more energy and imagination in his little toe than most people do in their entire body. If you were to look up the definition of dreamer in the dictionary his picture would be there. I have learned so much from him and his beautiful mind. The never ending possibilities that his mind gives him is inspirational to me. But, what comes with my dreamer is what could look like disobedience, arguing, and ignoring.
Ex. #1:
It is cleaning day in The Womack World and each of my children are required to participate. It takes everyone's help keeping a house hold of 5 functioning. They each have their areas of cleaning that are assigned by mommy and they are very good about doing their part.
Point #1: Give them responsibilities that are age appropriate and they will exceed your expectations. Don't think they can't do anything or finish an assigned task because they are small. Small hands can do small things.
My son picks up one item, puts it where it belongs and then runs off. I find him riding his spring horse in his room while singing at the top of his lungs. This is not what I asked him to do. I asked him to put all the cars in the cars bucket and put the bucket on the shelf. So, I say, "Son, you are being disobedient. Get off the horse and go pick up the cars." To which my brilliant, big, beautiful brained son replies, "I did. I put one away." At this point I could punish him for disobedience and say he was being defiant. But, if you search for their heart you will find motive and reason for behavior.
Point #2: In everything they do you should search for their heart. Don't just punish behavior because it's wrong. Try and find out what the root of that behavior is. Of course a 3 year old can not tell you why they do things. They do not have the capability to reason. But, you can ask easy yes or no questions to find where their heart is.
In search of my son's heart I say, "Mommy told you to pick up the cars." His answer is, "I did pick up a car." To which I respond, "Please go pick up ALL the cars right now." To which he promptly gets off his horse and goes to finish the task. Granted there are about 2 more reminders to finish the job but his heart is not to disobey. His imagination carries him away to places other than the task at hand. There are those times when he just doesn't want to do what he was told and punishment definitely follows those times. His answer to my question though is different. He says, "I don't want to" to my heart searching questions. Well, there is the motive for the behavior without having reasoned with my child and that motive needs to be corrected. You can't reason with a child that is physiologically unable to reason like an adult. Stop trying and you will be saved a few headaches :)
Ex. #2
We are visiting my in-laws one afternoon and they have a 2 story house. We do not have a 2 story house for one reason. I did not want the constant battle of children and stairs. Call me lazy. I don't mind ;) So, my son is coming down the stairs and is about in the middle of the staircase when he stops and starts to act silly and play. I say, "Son, get off the stairs. You can't play and be silly up there you will fall." To which my son replies, "I'm not on the stairs." I'm sorry, were my eyes playing tricks on me. I could have sworn he was on the stairs. He was definitely on the stairs. I look at him like he had just grown a 3rd eye and tell him again, "Get. Off. The. Stairs." To which he again responds, "Mom, I'm not on the stairs." By this time I am up out of my chair and about to go into "Mean Mommy Mode" when a simple question pops into my brain. "Son, if you are not on the stairs than where are you?" The answer was amazing. "I am on my pirate ship bridge and I have to protect it!!!!!!!!" To him, he was not on the stairs. He was not trying to argue his behavior with me. I was saying untruth to him. He was not playing on the stairs, he was protecting his pirate bridge. I just had to smile and say, "Please don't use the stairs as your pirate bridge. Use the playroom." To which he says, "Yes ma'am" and promptly gets down and goes to play elsewhere. I could have punished him after his first response and told him not to argue with me. I could have enforced my authority and "taught him a lesson." But, I asked 1 simple heart searching question and found that no arguing was going on because once I realized he wasn't "on the stairs" he obeyed promptly with no argument.
As a mother I want open communication between my children and I. I want to know where their heart is and what is going on inside of it. Just as small hands can do small things, small hearts can feel BIG things. They may seem small to us as adults, but they are very big to them as children. If you squash your communication with your child while they are young you will not have any communication with your child as they get older. Be open to seeing things differently. I could have easily seen his arguing on the stairs as unacceptable behavior and disciplined. But, I wanted to know where his heart and mind were so I asked a question which encouraged communication and opened those lines of communication up even more than they were before.
Talk to your child. Ask easy yes or no child like questions. They will feel valued as a person and know that you, as their parent, are on their side and want to know and search out their heart. Do It!! You will be changed.
Blessings.
No comments:
Post a Comment